Being INFP

One post before I leave for a few days

Sat, 25 Aug 2012 00:08:00 -0400

Although I’m very much a feeler, when it comes to sharing opinions and understanding the perspectives of others, I don’t tend to become very emotionally involved. Or if I sense myself becoming that way, I rationalize it and get over it because my drive to understand is stronger than my emotional reaction. The only exception to this is if very strong morals of mine come into question, then I will passionately defend them, while still trying to understand the other perspective (although it might be more difficult for me to). Or if someone is giving me redundant and circular arguments, in which case I just get really frustrated.

Anyway, my point is that I’m always surprised when people are personally offended if your opinion is simply different than theirs. There is a difference between attacking someone and shooting them down, and just voicing an alternate view.

For example, if someone says,

“I love Twilight,”

and I say,

“I don’t like Twilight, I think it’s bad,”

and that person reacts with,

“WELL OBVIOUSLY YOU JUST DON’T GET IT THEN BECAUSE YOU’RE STUPID AND YOU SHOULDN’T POST THINGS LIKE THAT ON TUMBLR AND YOU SHOULDN’T SAY THEM OUT LOUD TO ANYONE BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE MIGHT GET OFFENDED AND HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW THAT’S OFFENSIVE?!!!”

I don’t understand. That specific example is fictional. I’ve never experienced the wrath of a Twilight fan like that before. But I’ve been in situations like it. How is it that I am 5000% feeler, and yet when someone disagrees with me, I don’t react that way? People just take their opinions so seriously and as soon as someone voices one which is different to theirs, they have an emotional breakdown and begin tossing out insults.

I don’t know if any of you can relate to this, but it’s something I’ve been noticing about myself lately. Or noticing about many other people, rather. I am pretty good, when discussing differences in opinions, at keeping an emotional distance and being a little more rational in an attempt to be objective. Most people are not.

I can't think under pressure. My mind just goes blank. I've been wondering whether this is an INFP trait or more common in INFPs? What do you think?

Fri, 17 Aug 2012 14:54:19 -0400

I think in my case, it depends. If I’m incredibly stressed out, I can’t think straight. But being under a bit of pressure helps me to think more clearly, actually. For example, I can’t start writing an essay too long before the due date because I just won’t be able to focus. But if it’s the day or two before it’s due, I can suddenly focus much better because I feel pressured.

But if I’m suddenly placed under an immense amount of pressure and I have to make a decision really quickly, I can’t really think.

So I don’t know how much you can relate to that… or if that’s an INFP thing.

The best way I can think that it might be related to INFPs is that in some descriptions it says that we like to work at our own pace, usually a slower one. It’s not that we are stupid hah, but just that we would rather take our time with things. That, I definitely relate to.

Hello! Just wanted to say I love this blog, it really is a wonderful thing to come across people you can so strongly identify with, especially since I don't think I know any other INFPs, and have always felt (cringeworthy line coming up) that none of my friends or family quite understood me. Totally feel you with the superiority complex thing - I've struggled with that my whole life, paired awkwardly with semi-crippling self doubt. It's a tough one. Running out of room so er, keep it up!

Fri, 17 Aug 2012 14:11:22 -0400

Hi! Thank you, I’m glad you like this blog. I like to hear that because it makes me feel like I’m not just rambling on about myself, but that people can understand and relate to it. Hah. It’s been a pretty rewarding thing for me, actually, because I relate a lot to what you’ve just said, just as I relate to other followers of this blog. It’s nice to hear those things from others because although I have many close friends and family members, they sometimes have this opinion of me as being a very “intense” and “complicated” person… and I don’t really see myself that way.

So anyway, although it might be a bit cringeworthy to say “people don’t understand me”, I understand that feeling very well haha.

I feel the same way. I know that everyone is human and will make mistakes, and i try not to judge, but when something really seems immoral and wrong to me, i can't help but voice that. I think it's just about learning when that is and isn't okay. I usually ask myself "are this person's actions/ways of thinking harming themselves or anyone else?" if not, i don't push. I also have to remind myself that i don't know everything (that part's kind of hard for me). Hope that helped too!

Tue, 14 Aug 2012 18:26:22 -0400

This is interesting. Thank you, anonymous. I too have a hard time hiding it if I don’t agree with someone’s actions or thoughts. And I know that if a friend isn’t telling me something, it is partially my fault for coming off stronger than I intend to. I’m trying to work on that and not let my emotions and morals get in the way of my listening. And ultimately I don’t believe in telling other people how to lead their lives - I believe in giving people the space they need and respecting their choices, etc.

Is it a common thing for INFPs to be confused with being extremely judgmental?One of my best friend appears to be trying to hide me from the truth(obviously I am not falling for it, I never have), which she does frequently. She once stated that it is because she does not want me to judge her, which I most likely will not.

Mon, 13 Aug 2012 12:27:00 -0400

I’ve been told that before by friends as well, and it’s upsetting because I’ve always seen myself as incredibly accepting and understanding. I want my friends to see me as someone they can go to if they need to talk about something or get a weight off their shoulders, or need advise of any kind.

In my case, I think it’s the “moral” thing. Sometimes my friends won’t tell me things that they’ve done which I might perceive as immoral because they are afraid of my disapproval. But I try to let my friends know that I’d rather they just be honest and open with me, if they wish to be. I may not approve of a particular action they make, but I would never judge them for it. People are contradictory and spontaneous, and I’ve never believed in judging a person solely on their actions.

Anyway, I wonder if maybe that’s what you’re experiencing? I hope that helps, anyway.

Just a shout out to my fellow INFP homies,

Tue, 07 Aug 2012 23:33:53 -0400

gillian-shaw:

Thom Yorke, Conor Oberst, JK Rowling and Willy Shakespeare. Y’all are on my list of top best people ever and I am so proud to share a type with you.

I completely agree with you about the intelligence of mind and emotion. I think its maybe because we are so influenced - I don't know if that's the right word- by our emotions that we seek a person that can understand that side of us and influence it in a positive manner.

Fri, 03 Aug 2012 16:31:00 -0400

Yeah, I certainly relate to that. I am very attracted to and impressed by some qualities of thinkers, like the fact that they can be so brutally honest and not really care if they offend others. But I tend not to be attracted to that quality romantically. Just sort of drawn to it in a friendship.

Romantically, I am incredibly attracted to people who seem to intuitively understand my emotions very well.

Intelligence of mind and emotion

Tue, 31 Jul 2012 22:09:31 -0400

I’ve come to realise how important it is to me that other people are moral, and not just that, but that they share many of my own morals and place the same kind of importance on them that I do. I am accepting of all types of people, of course; and in fact, I think I subconsciously seek a great variety of people as friends. If everyone I surrounded myself with was exactly like me, I wouldn’t learn anything. And I wouldn’t be able to give insight to anyone else.

But in a romantic partner, I cannot see my acceptance extending quite so far. And therefore, I think ultimately, when everything is considered, I am most attracted to NFs as opposed to NTs. I am very drawn to NTs as friends, but romantically there has always been something lacking on my side, no matter the circumstance. Maybe one day I will fall in love with a Thinker. But I know that the biggest turn on, for me, is someone who has both intelligence of mind and emotion, and balances both, always putting a little more emphasis on emotion.

God, I can be demanding… it sounds so specific written down. I guess it is. It’s no wonder I have been dissatisfied in the past.

"Idealism increases in direct proportion to one’s distance from the problem."

Tue, 31 Jul 2012 21:56:04 -0400

“Idealism increases in direct proportion to one’s distance from the problem.”

- John Galsworthy

I think Galsworthy is an INFP. Based on the stories he writes and a few biographies I’ve read — everything he stands for indicates NF to me, and a couple sources have said that although he wasn’t a “gregarious man”, he had a few close friends in the literary world. I just decided the P for myself because he strikes me as more that sort of person than an INFJ. Although I could be convinced otherwise.

Either way, I have a new found respect for this man.

I wrote this a month ago, and in hindsight I believe that it clearly showcases what it means to be...

Thu, 19 Jul 2012 15:30:00 -0400

I wrote this a month ago, and in hindsight I believe that it clearly showcases what it means to be an INFP.

The developer in me hand-crafts his tools
That loosen the lines between pigments
And I dissect the culture they carry
With the steadiness of an elite micro-biologist
And I daydream of redistributing the strands
Into grand architectures inside myself
Holding up like a spider’s nest, or a web of smoke
But you’d remind me that it’s just another glass ball
Bound to a shelf like a nameless book

And I sung:
”With a careful eye, she floats inside
A damsel snowing her songs at night
And as my iron melts and dries
She molds me to composure”

Thanks so much for the first creative entry on this blog!
It’s great, very well written. - Gillian

151 followers! Yay!

Wed, 18 Jul 2012 02:17:00 -0400

I seem to like making these celebratory posts after I’ve passed the expected number by one, eg. 101 & 151. Perhaps it’s that subconsciously I know that if I lose a follower after making the post, it’s not that anticlimactic, because say, in this case, I’d still have 150 followers. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost 2.

I wonder how many of you are INFPs and how many are other types who just like to read about INFPs.

I’m too tired to write anything else interesting at the moment. Maybe tomorrow I’ll make a real post!

Waste.: I know what I know.

Fri, 13 Jul 2012 14:29:21 -0400

Waste.: I know what I know.:

gillianbdshaw:

I love Myers-Briggs. I’ll risk sounding pretentious here and say that a lot of people talk about it who don’t understand it. I’ll follow that by saying that I don’t care if you want to talk about things you don’t understand, we all do it, as long as you don’t pretend that you understand them. It’s…

I wrote this on my personal blog. I guess it’s a bit weird to reblog yourself, but I thought it was very relevant to this blog. Sorry, I get a bit dogmatic at the beginning there. But I calm down after a couple paragraphs.

i've also often imagined myself in those kind of 'heroic' situations, although again i have never actually imagined myself creating them in some kind of twisted set up. I've noticed that I seem to be drawn towards 'damaged' people, and i often invest a lot of myself in them in order to help or 'save' them. on some level, this is probably a desire for recognition and self worth as mentioned, but also i tend to see reflections of myself in these people. i hope that makes sense.

Wed, 11 Jul 2012 15:19:37 -0400

It does make sense! I relate to that a lot.

about the heroism thing- I think there's some truth to it. I'm an INFP and I seem to be drawn to people everyone else hates or shuns to try and help them out a bit because I feel so bad for them- this has often backfired when I find out first hand precisely WHY people react to them in that way. Still can't stop doing it.

Sun, 08 Jul 2012 22:52:52 -0400

Yes, I can be that way too. I think I’ve developed some defense mechanisms now because of some past experiences I’ve had with people like that. I tend to be quicker at identifying that sort of person and, although I’ll be nice, I try to keep my distance to prevent a gesture backfiring like that on me.

Thanks for sharing :)

Heroism

Sun, 08 Jul 2012 14:00:21 -0400

The hero syndrome is a phenomenon affecting people who seek heroism or recognition, usually by creating a desperate situation which they can resolve. This can includeunlawful acts, such as arson. The phenomenon has been noted to affect civil servants, such as firefighters, nurses, police officers, and security guards.^[1] Acts linked with the hero syndrome should not be confused with acts of malicious intent, such as revenge on the part of a suspended firefighter or an insatiable level of excitement, as was found in a federal study of more than 75 firefighter arsonists.^[2] However, acts of the hero syndrome have been linked to previously failed heroism.^[3] The hero syndrome may also be a more general yearning for self-worth.

- Wikipedia

I never desire to create a dangerous situation that I then resolve. But I certainly find myself often imagining situations in which a large group of people are in danger and I swoop in, using whatever means are available to me, and save them all, sometimes even ending in my own sacrifice. It sounds intense, and that’s probably because it is. But I have a very strong desire to be a hero.

I wouldn’t post this on my INFP blog unless I thought it had anything to do with being an INFP. Have any of you had thoughts like this? And do you think it can be connected to the INFPs desire to help others, and a general “yearning for self-worth”? Or could it even have something to do with the NF temperament? I’m sure it is possible for anyone to have a “hero complex”, but it seems to me that NFs have the natural make-up for it. Or maybe I’m just weird.

A song to hopefully inspire others to post their stuff!Title:...

Wed, 04 Jul 2012 13:54:00 -0400

A song to hopefully inspire others to post their stuff!
Title: Long Arms
By: me, Gillian Shaw

Also, sorry: the guitar is horribly out of tune. And I was lazy. It’s an old guitar.

I struggle a lot with feelings over my self-worth. I was wondering whether or not this is common for an INFPs since we tend to be so idealistic and such perfectionist.

Wed, 04 Jul 2012 11:37:03 -0400

I think it probably is common. I actually read about that specific quality of INFPs somewhere. It may have been in the book Please Understand Me II, which has some really great descriptions of the types and temperaments, by the way. Apparently INFPs have a tendency to undersell their strengths and abilities, not give themselves enough credit and can be quick to recognise “evils within themselves”, or, to put it more lightly, their bad qualities.

I certainly struggle with that a lot, but I have also been lucky to be raised in an environment where I am surrounded constantly by people who love me and think very highly of me. This helps a lot and it means that I usually do appreciate myself, though I may undersell myself a bit. I have always been of the belief that, though nurture has a major impact on the way a person turns out, nature is what decides how a person reactions to their environment.

However, conversely, I struggle with feelings of superiority toward other people. I’ve never been able to explain this feeling because it is so contrary to other aspects of my nature. But often times, especially throughout grade school and high school, I felt as though I was superior to many of my peers. That feeling has diminished considerably since entering uni, but I catch myself feeling that way every now and again. It’s not something I experience toward close friends and family, but rather acquaintances or strangers.

Can any other INFPs relate to either one or both of these qualities?

Thanks, anonymous, for the question!!

Post your creations!

Tue, 03 Jul 2012 23:33:29 -0400

I would love it if you did. Perhaps I will post something of my own soon to encourage you.

Just going to remind you guys of the vlog my ISFP friend and I have. I’ve got a link to it on this blog: IxFP Tavern. We just uploaded another video in which we talk about relationships and MBTI relationship theories.

I hope you’re all having a lovely day.

Hello! So I'm personally slowly learning about all the different types, starting with ESFJ's (my own personal type) then INTP's (because I happened to become friends with two through my summer math class) and then I came across your lovely blog (: So, I was wondering, what was your general opinion of ESFJ's? (Obviously this will be a generalization and personal view, but I believe it would be interesting to know what you think) thanks!:)

Mon, 02 Jul 2012 11:04:26 -0400

Hello :) I’d be happy to offer my opinion. I’m glad you are taking an interest in Myers-Briggs and I’m flattered that you’d ask my opinion! I hope it’s sufficient.

I know some ESFJs and one very personally. What I’ve noticed is that they love people and are very concerned with making them feel good and happy (probably the dominance of Fe [extraverted feeling]), while also desiring to be well liked (probably also the Fe?). It’s not really an insecurity, but more what they place importance on. I’ve noticed that their social surroundings are very important to them and can have an impact on them that is perhaps less distinct in other types. This is probably the combination of the E, S and F with a dominant function of Fe. ESFPs have Fi, which means that they are more in tune with their own emotions than those of others. I like to explain it that way so that it doesn’t sound like an insecurity of ESFJs (as some might wrongly assume), but rather a way of life.

However, even though ESFJs are very concerned with the emotions of others, they are not perceptive of them in the same way that NFs are (for example, their cousin type, the ENFJ). They’ll make an effort to make others around them feel comfortable, but may not be able to sense the current emotions of those individuals (SFs generally are this way, in my experience, because they use different means than an NF to detect emotion). However, if they are made aware of these emotions, or if they do perceive them, it effects them very deeply.

They are very strong-willed, independent, intelligent people and will usually put full effort into anything they want to accomplish. They are usually very brave in this way, but they do hate conflict, and can shrink away or suddenly become very sensitive in such situations.

Those are some traits I’ve noticed. I could go on and on, but this answer is already getting pretty long. Personally, I love the ESFJs I’ve met. They’re very fun, down for excitement and are wonderful people to bring to parties so that I don’t have to do all the talking… hehe. But they also make really excellent friends. They are usually very understanding and, although they love to talk, they make very good listeners as well (which isn’t too common — it’s usually one or the other). One of my best friends is an ESFJ though, so I’m probably a bit biased.

Anyway, that’s my personal opinion! I hope it’s what you were looking for. But if you want me to clear anything up, send me as many questions as you like.

"[To say that] thinking evaluates from the viewpoint ‘true-false’ and feeling from the viewpoint..."

Fri, 29 Jun 2012 04:16:47 -0400

“[To say that] thinking evaluates from the viewpoint ‘true-false’ and feeling from the viewpoint ‘agreeable-disagreeable’ … [is a] thinker’s formulation. ‘Agreeable’ is too pale a word for the rich personal worth of Feeling.”

- Isabel Briggs Myers (via infpconnection)