One post before I leave for a few days

Although I’m very much a feeler, when it comes to sharing opinions and understanding the perspectives of others, I don’t tend to become very emotionally involved. Or if I sense myself becoming that way, I rationalize it and get over it because my drive to understand is stronger than my emotional reaction. The only exception to this is if very strong morals of mine come into question, then I will passionately defend them, while still trying to understand the other perspective (although it might be more difficult for me to). Or if someone is giving me redundant and circular arguments, in which case I just get really frustrated.

Anyway, my point is that I’m always surprised when people are personally offended if your opinion is simply different than theirs. There is a difference between attacking someone and shooting them down, and just voicing an alternate view.

For example, if someone says,

“I love Twilight,”

and I say,

“I don’t like Twilight, I think it’s bad,”

and that person reacts with,

“WELL OBVIOUSLY YOU JUST DON’T GET IT THEN BECAUSE YOU’RE STUPID AND YOU SHOULDN’T POST THINGS LIKE THAT ON TUMBLR AND YOU SHOULDN’T SAY THEM OUT LOUD TO ANYONE BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE MIGHT GET OFFENDED AND HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW THAT’S OFFENSIVE?!!!” 

I don’t understand. That specific example is fictional. I’ve never experienced the wrath of a Twilight fan like that before. But I’ve been in situations like it. How is it that I am 5000% feeler, and yet when someone disagrees with me, I don’t react that way? People just take their opinions so seriously and as soon as someone voices one which is different to theirs, they have an emotional breakdown and begin tossing out insults.

I don’t know if any of you can relate to this, but it’s something I’ve been noticing about myself lately. Or noticing about many other people, rather. I am pretty good, when discussing differences in opinions, at keeping an emotional distance and being a little more rational in an attempt to be objective. Most people are not.

Anonymous asked: I can't think under pressure. My mind just goes blank. I've been wondering whether this is an INFP trait or more common in INFPs? What do you think?

I think in my case, it depends. If I’m incredibly stressed out, I can’t think straight. But being under a bit of pressure helps me to think more clearly, actually. For example, I can’t start writing an essay too long before the due date because I just won’t be able to focus. But if it’s the day or two before it’s due, I can suddenly focus much better because I feel pressured.

But if I’m suddenly placed under an immense amount of pressure and I have to make a decision really quickly, I can’t really think.

So I don’t know how much you can relate to that… or if that’s an INFP thing.

The best way I can think that it might be related to INFPs is that in some descriptions it says that we like to work at our own pace, usually a slower one. It’s not that we are stupid hah, but just that we would rather take our time with things. That, I definitely relate to.

thebreakwater asked: Hello! Just wanted to say I love this blog, it really is a wonderful thing to come across people you can so strongly identify with, especially since I don't think I know any other INFPs, and have always felt (cringeworthy line coming up) that none of my friends or family quite understood me. Totally feel you with the superiority complex thing - I've struggled with that my whole life, paired awkwardly with semi-crippling self doubt. It's a tough one. Running out of room so er, keep it up!

Hi! Thank you, I’m glad you like this blog. I like to hear that because it makes me feel like I’m not just rambling on about myself, but that people can understand and relate to it. Hah. It’s been a pretty rewarding thing for me, actually, because I relate a lot to what you’ve just said, just as I relate to other followers of this blog. It’s nice to hear those things from others because although I have many close friends and family members, they sometimes have this opinion of me as being a very “intense” and “complicated” person… and I don’t really see myself that way.

So anyway, although it might be a bit cringeworthy to say “people don’t understand me”, I understand that feeling very well haha.

Anonymous asked: I feel the same way. I know that everyone is human and will make mistakes, and i try not to judge, but when something really seems immoral and wrong to me, i can't help but voice that. I think it's just about learning when that is and isn't okay. I usually ask myself "are this person's actions/ways of thinking harming themselves or anyone else?" if not, i don't push. I also have to remind myself that i don't know everything (that part's kind of hard for me). Hope that helped too!

This is interesting. Thank you, anonymous. I too have a hard time hiding it if I don’t agree with someone’s actions or thoughts. And I know that if a friend isn’t telling me something, it is partially my fault for coming off stronger than I intend to. I’m trying to work on that and not let my emotions and morals get in the way of my listening. And ultimately I don’t believe in telling other people how to lead their lives - I believe in giving people the space they need and respecting their choices, etc.

Anonymous asked: Is it a common thing for INFPs to be confused with being extremely judgmental?One of my best friend appears to be trying to hide me from the truth(obviously I am not falling for it, I never have), which she does frequently. She once stated that it is because she does not want me to judge her, which I most likely will not.

I’ve been told that before by friends as well, and it’s upsetting because I’ve always seen myself as incredibly accepting and understanding. I want my friends to see me as someone they can go to if they need to talk about something or get a weight off their shoulders, or need advise of any kind.

In my case, I think it’s the “moral” thing. Sometimes my friends won’t tell me things that they’ve done which I might perceive as immoral because they are afraid of my disapproval. But I try to let my friends know that I’d rather they just be honest and open with me, if they wish to be. I may not approve of a particular action they make, but I would never judge them for it. People are contradictory and spontaneous, and I’ve never believed in judging a person solely on their actions.

Anyway, I wonder if maybe that’s what you’re experiencing? I hope that helps, anyway.

Just a shout out to my fellow INFP homies,

gillian-shaw:

Thom Yorke, Conor Oberst, JK Rowling and Willy Shakespeare. Y’all are on my list of top best people ever and I am so proud to share a type with you.

Anonymous asked: I completely agree with you about the intelligence of mind and emotion. I think its maybe because we are so influenced - I don't know if that's the right word- by our emotions that we seek a person that can understand that side of us and influence it in a positive manner.

Yeah, I certainly relate to that. I am very attracted to and impressed by some qualities of thinkers, like the fact that they can be so brutally honest and not really care if they offend others. But I tend not to be attracted to that quality romantically. Just sort of drawn to it in a friendship.

Romantically, I am incredibly attracted to people who seem to intuitively understand my emotions very well.

Intelligence of mind and emotion

I’ve come to realise how important it is to me that other people are moral, and not just that, but that they share many of my own morals and place the same kind of importance on them that I do. I am accepting of all types of people, of course; and in fact, I think I subconsciously seek a great variety of people as friends. If everyone I surrounded myself with was exactly like me, I wouldn’t learn anything. And I wouldn’t be able to give insight to anyone else.

But in a romantic partner, I cannot see my acceptance extending quite so far. And therefore, I think ultimately, when everything is considered, I am most attracted to NFs as opposed to NTs. I am very drawn to NTs as friends, but romantically there has always been something lacking on my side, no matter the circumstance. Maybe one day I will fall in love with a Thinker. But I know that the biggest turn on, for me, is someone who has both intelligence of mind and emotion, and balances both, always putting a little more emphasis on emotion.

God, I can be demanding… it sounds so specific written down. I guess it is. It’s no wonder I have been dissatisfied in the past.

I wrote this a month ago, and in hindsight I believe that it clearly showcases what it means to be an INFP.

The developer in me hand-crafts his tools
That loosen the lines between pigments
And I dissect the culture they carry
With the steadiness of an elite micro-biologist
And I daydream of redistributing the strands
Into grand architectures inside myself
Holding up like a spider’s nest, or a web of smoke
But you’d remind me that it’s just another glass ball
Bound to a shelf like a nameless book

And I sung:
”With a careful eye, she floats inside
A damsel snowing her songs at night
And as my iron melts and dries
She molds me to composure”

Thanks so much for the first creative entry on this blog!
It’s great, very well written. - Gillian